I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
