well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
