between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
