im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
All the doctor said was why
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
