I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
