I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
