I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
