I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
just found out that she named her cat after me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
