You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
