I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Randomize
