Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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