At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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