Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
