i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
it was like eating out sand paper
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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