I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
