I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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