Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
