It's just like the Real World with babies
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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