Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
