what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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