No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
