Jerry, you need to find god
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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