and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize