I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
