i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
