brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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