this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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