you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
