i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I can't put those talents on a resume
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
