i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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