His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
