In the future we'll all be gay
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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