would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
