Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
