Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
