I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
