Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
We got so high we made milksteak
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Randomize
