i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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