I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
