Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
