Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
