you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
