he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
