and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
