i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Randomize
