So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Text me some of your sweat
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