Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
