They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
