by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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