Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
