I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
