My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
