I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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