about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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