I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
