Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
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