hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
