No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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