If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
