You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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