omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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