after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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