not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I booty called her while she was in labor.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
